longing for the desert

Maybe it's because it's nearing summer. Maybe it's in my blood. But today I longed for the desert. Wished for it in that way that I could practically feel myself there. Almost...

That was such a sweet time and I didn't even realize it. No one to answer to. No real job. Full days of reading and basking in the sun. Those first few days, especially, were meadow green. Not literally but that's the feeling around them. Fresh and vivid. That feeling made me decide to stay.

And then my girls came to visit. I want that trip again. With Ana in her skirt with the pattern. And Carolyn with her newly lightened hair and Guina in tow. And Rachel who is just Rachel. I loved them on that trip. I didn't even necessarily love myself that much, but I certainly loved them. It was summer and hot and we were hiking in the Grand Canyon.

It was an adventure.

I wish I had savored it more then because shortly after it would all be different. I would come back to Baltimore. Car and I would both find men that we wanted to share our lives with. Ana would have a son. And Rachel would continue to be Rachel, free as always.